As the ballot appears to have slowed whilst we wait for JJ to choose it or lose it, we turn to our loyal readers to fill the time with some mundane conversation, gossip or at the very worst 'chat'.
Us bloggers have been inundated with heart-warming messages, complimenting our humour, gracious nature and all round good vibes. We've even been sent a gorgeously moist fruitcake by lovely Pam from Sussex so we are munching on that as we speak. Tara for now
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"After a year spent in a room so small even the self-designated fittest-former-fresher struggled to get girls to visit, JA looks to Cranmer Road and the long journey to college to improve his 5k time. It remains to be seen whether the increased proximity to Castle Mound will work in the young man's favour, but be assured the bed will be well-used (the guy sleeps for 11 hours a day and still gets a First). Fellow CR residents can expect regular updates on how little work is being done, and how much chess is being played, before being suddenly outflanked by Tripos Topping exam results."
So goes the submission by one of our readers regarding JA's recent room choice. Here at the blog we were slightly surprised at the obsessive, near envious discussion of the academic prowess exhibited by young Joseph. However, we share this anonymous admirer's reverence for the philosopher. He was voted hottest fresher for a reason (have you ever run a hand through his hair? God I miss it) The first Beldam room has been taken. Beldam gets a bad rap but apparently a lot of the rooms are relatively nice. I feel like it would be a very cheap shot to make a joke about the notorious Bedlam asylum. I also feel like it has probably been done before. I also can't think of a funny one so just pretend maybe?
I apologise for the lack of superb chat at the moment. It's getting quite close to my turn and I'm starting to feel physically sick about some of the choices I'm going to have to make. Why can't Corpus group ballot like normal, fun-loving, less abusive colleges. Maybe they want to ensure that you're not distracted by 'friends' or 'fun' and that's why they split people up like a Year 3 teacher during carpet time.
You won Alex. Enjoy T Street, I hope it makes you very happy...Dear Lord, what a sad little life, Alex. You ruined my day completely so you could have the room but I hope when you get to 6TS5 you get some lessons in grace and decorum, cause you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on...
JA wrote 'AB IT would be nice if you huRry up and pick yOur rOoM' As the ballot heats up, a notable trend is the absence of an Old Court firesale. A rough headcount sees that there are fewer than 10 rooms available in what is generally Corpus' hottest location. We wouldn't want to stoke the flames by giving weight to the rumours that Old Court is a pile of centuries-old kindling, and will thus refrain from any incendiary comments that could get us fired. That being said, the renovation of fire-risk bedrooms into fire-safe offices (because clearly you cant burn to death in an office, duh?) has really seen the standard ballot preferences of years gone by go up in smoke.
ben milner youve taken my room and ruined my life i am s o sad
Off the grid but on a yacht, the itinerant lifestyle that led JE to live in 2 rooms last year currently has him without one. No doubt this Theologian will be comforted by the words of Isaiah 32.18 'My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest' although he doesn't have to look beyond the T shirt he wore on C sunday to find scriptural wisdom.
A certain AH has appeared to cause quite the stir among the die-hard balloters, with her internship for YouGov clearly putting her in good stead for such an occasion.
'Why do we need me to run room ballot software where AH can just go around asking people one by one and assign the rooms that way. I say it's more environmentally friendly.' A rich comment from a man who only drinks water out of 2 litre plastic bottles but alas, who cares about the planet anymore anyway - very last year. In a truly dichotomous manner, it appears that my fellow bloggers are partial to what can only be described as 'low hanging fruit' (See: 'BANG.. and the Grime has gone') whereas I, the comedic equivalent of Jake May, will climb high to reach the ripest of jokes. Think advanced nuance, think layers, think subtlety.
Failing that, I will happily fall back on taking the piss out of anybody who gets into Cranmer. From a place of admiration and not deep jealousy, of course. After a number of controversies the ballot is now well on its way. MA allowed the time to slide on by like the slugs in her cutlery draw, eventually causing IM/W (presumably in a cell in Amsterdam) to consult with puppet master GS. Unusually for MA this was sorted out without a drop of blood spilled or drunk and so on the ballot goes.
In this year's first case of repeated-room-residence (maybe idk tho just woken up), Jenny G has opted for more time to be spent in the lofty attics of T Street. While some might attribute this Stockholm syndrome to the wonderful sunsets, or a deliberate distance from college, we have received intel from the room reviews that suggests another reason:
"I seemed to have a few bug/spider incidents living here but that could just be me" Whether Jenny has become enamoured with her arachnid roomies, or whether indeed she is returning to finally slay those who tormented her last year, is yet to be seen. For the sake of T Street's thriving ecosystem, let's hope its the former. Catching us all off guard with his premature (choice of) accommodation, last year's wooden spoon winner - one TD - has taken this utensil with him to the chef's kitchen in Y. Whether on looking up from those sultry red doc martens one is likely to see him engineering anything with more taste than water or vodka is another question, but it surely won't be long until he finds out who'll be watching the Kent Heston Blumenthal before retreating back to their inferior Y rooms.
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